For the past few months I’ve been doing something very out of character for me. I’ve been keeping a secret. Generally, I like to live life as an open book, and despise secrets (unless it’s an attorney/client thing). So I am happy to finally reveal some very big news to all of you!
WE ARE PREGNANT
For people who’ve been to our home, you might have noticed an odd number on the blackboard wall. This number is a countdown to our due date. In about 196 days (March 13, is our due date) we hope to welcome a new life into our family.
I hope you are as excited as we are about this, and I’m certain some of you might have some questions. Here is some basic information, that should field some of the basic ones:
- So you’re not adopting…you’re having a baby. How exactly is that happening?
Brian and I decided that if we were going to have a baby, we’d like it to be biologically related to one of us. The biological connection was more important to Brian than it was to me, so he is the sperm donor. My best friend (aside from Brian) is the egg donor. We are very similar so I figured this was as close as we would get to an “egg” that represented me. To our delight, she was completely on board with donating her eggs for us to start a family from the minute I finally found the courage to ask her.
- Does that mean your friend is carrying the baby too?
No. In most instances, it is encouraged to keep the egg donor and the carrier separate (it helps avoid legal issues). We received several eggs from our donor. Those eggs were fertilized and, those that made it to the “blastocyst” stage of embryonic development, were frozen until we were ready to transfer them to the woman who would carry the embryo to term. Fortunately there was not a lot of waiting. Our carrier is a wonderful woman who has two children of her own. She lives in Oklahoma. We found her through an agency that specializes in helping couples have a baby via surrogacy. We’ve met her and her husband several times, and are excited about going to Oklahoma to visit her when she has her 20-week appointment.
- Do you know the sex yet?
No, not yet. While there has been a lot of amazing science going on with the birth of our baby, we must wait the same amount of time as everyone else. That said, at 10 weeks we got to see an ultrasound. Our child was very active that day. He/She kicked hard (both the doctor and our carrier felt it) and we got to see her/him very clearly. The carrier and I felt that he\she looked like a boy, but that could easily change as the baby develops more. Brian and I don’t care what sex the child is, only that it is healthy and that it will grow up happy.
- Do you have names picked out?
Yes, we do. However, we’re not sharing that information just yet. However, I can tell you they are wonderful!
- So what’s the baby like now?
At 12 weeks the baby is about the size of a lime. Almost all baby literature likes to compare babies at various stages to food, I assume because they are generally spherical in nature and are a good point of reference for everyone. Anyway, the baby essentially looks like a very small version of a newborn. Bones are forming, fingers and toes have separated, and even things like fingernails are beginning to grow.
- What’s it like being so far away from your Carrier?
As I’ve never had a baby before, I’m not really sure what it’s like to live with a pregnant woman. My sisters had 2 children each, but I was a tween/teen for most of it. I will say we are incredibly thankful for the carrier’s husband and family for helping her through the day-to-day trials of pregnancy. Our carrier has had some rough “morning” (but really all day) sickness, however she has been a real trooper about it. We hope that now that she is entering into her 2nd trimester things will be easier for her. As for communication, we do a combination of texting, e-mailing, and facetimeing.
- So what’s next?
The next big milestone is going for the 20-week visit in October. We will get to meet the doctor who will most likely be delivering our baby, learn the sex of the child, and also get a bigger glimpse into the daily life of our carrier and her family.
We hope you are all as excited as we are about this big life change! We’ll be more forthcoming with updates from this point on!
In and Out of Place 