So, recently I’ve gone back to the gym. I’m mainly doing it for healthy normal reasons.
- It helps me work off stress from exams,
- it is physically satisfying,
- I feel less guilty about eating bad “study food.”
However, I also have those little voices in my head telling me:
- “Work out, your fat!”
- “You’re going back to Arkansas for Christmas. Do you want everyone to wonder why your still fat?”
- “Maybe if you work out, you won’t be as tempted to eat.”
- “Maybe you should stop eating lunch again.”
- “If you go to the gym more, you won’t avoid mirrors as much.”
- “People hire attractive people. Don’t you want a good job?”
Of course, through years of personal growth I’ve got plenty of wonderful coping mechanisms to battle these evil thoughts, but that doesn’t mean they are gone. It just means I don’t think of them as the gospel like I did when I was younger.
The women who write it are active to varying degrees: one is working on yoga certification, I think one is a runner, another has a dance class, etc. And they are all overweight or obese by BMI standards. And they write this very smart blog, which I read because I also have to be reminded to do things because they feel good and not because of the fantasy of being thin (“if I were thinner, I could get ____”… or, in your case, “when I was thinner, I was ____”).
So I reviewed the blog. I like what I read, and I like what these women are doing. Therefore I thought I’d give a shout out to their blog. I am always happy to see how people are really starting to recognize how manipulative the media is about “ideal beauty.” It is nice to see that whereas I will never look like:
I could easily return to looking like:
If I worked at it. I chose that picture, because it is me, and it is not me when I was at my skinniest.
Well…off to burn off some stress/test anxiety at the gym.