“It’s Me.”

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After hearing “It’s not you. It’s me.” So many times in my life, I just kind of assume normally it is them and not me. I find I must have been wrong when it comes to the LGBT student population at Rutgers School of Law at Newark. My first semester I was not expecting to be able to be really involved in the LGBT student group, nor was I expecting to make a plethora of friends as a transfer student. However, I did expect to make some friends, and I assumed that it would be highly likely that some of them would be from the LGBT student pool.

Last week I had my very first “Sexual Orientation & the Law” class, which had a very high of LGBT students attending. I was struck that most of the students seem to come in pairs or trios. It was as if the students didn’t want to be alone in the class, and I could understand the sentiment. The only good friend I made last semester was unable to take the class, so I was flying without a support net.

During my time in class I noticed how each of the students groups seemed to keep to themselves. I attempted to reach out, but I was mainly given the impression I was annoying them. So I just assumed that it must be that the students want to not be unified. Each was seeming to strive ‘the only gay’ status here. Having been ‘the only gay’ multiple times I did not relish the competition, and quickly resolved not to care.

Today is my 2nd session of the class, and I was shocked. People got up and spoke to others. Others, but not me. This makes me feel like it is me to some extent. I have something quality (looks, personality, etc.) which is unattractive to the LGBT student body at Rutgers. I still do not care, but I am saddened that of all clubs not to be invited in, this is the one who seems to freeze me out.

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1 Comment

  1. tanglethis said,

    January 13, 2009 at 8:49 am

    Oh no. 😦 Well, you know I’m going to get all Pollyanna and be all, maybe that’s not true, two classes, maybe just a coincidence, etc. It is true that this is your second semester at Rutgers while for many of those students, it is their fourth. They may have had other classes together, maybe even put together group events but feel shy about doing so again. (The Women’s Studies group at my school is like that, we’re always like OMG WE SHOULD TOTALLY HANG OUT and once I put together a happy hour which was sparsely attended but fun, and then another girl put together a happy hour which I couldn’t make, and then it has Never Happened Again. Because who wants to put themselves out there like that?)
    So that’s my thought. Maybe they and you will both reach out in another class.


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