A Tough Choice


So I did some good things during my mini “vacation” in relation to my book. The most important of which was printing it out. I was amazed how big it was. 318 pages (92,000 words) seems like less on screen but when it was printed and put into a binder it looked like this:

I figured since I was in Arkansas, I would have lots of time to read and review my manuscript. I was wrong. In several days, I only managed to review about 30 pages or so. I almost finished the first 100 pages by the time I landed in Newark. When I got home, I had a discussion with BHE. We talked about a lot of things, but mainly we started talking about the future. We want to move on to the next chapter of adulthood, and in order to do that I need to work. When I had more part-time work coming in, it felt like it was starting to snowball, but around a month ago it has completely dried up. This meant all I was doing was job hunting and editing my book. I hated both, so neither were being done effectively.

I decided then and there that this was completely unfair to BHE. I either needed to pour every last ounce of energy I had into editing that book, and have it ready for sale in two weeks, or I needed to stop being so soft when applying for jobs. I figured it was best to really hard core pursue jobs, any job, that would be decent enough for me to earn a solid pay check. I had to stop telling myself that I shouldn’t apply for something, because the job wasn’t for an attorney. While I went to law school and passed the bar exam, that doesn’t mean I have to be an attorney. I mean I mainly went to law school, because I was tired of not being qualified to progress in the legal field beyond paralegal status. Especially since the only way I could become a manager of the departments I worked in, was if someone either died or was promoted.

So on Monday I applied for ANYTHING I saw that I was remotely qualified for, and could stomach doing. By the end of the day, I had an interview for Tuesday. Today, I applied for another job, and got an interview for tomorrow. That’s 2 interviews in 4 days. That is so much more than I have ever received before. Hopefully that is a good sign.

Unfortunately this means that my book is probably going to be retired. Hopefully I will still have the energy & patience to tinker with it during the weekends, but as of right now, I am making “getting a job” my job Monday – Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Once I get a job, maybe then I can work on “The Role” some more.

It pains me to put my novel away. It’s very dear to me, and it’s also a pretty great story. I suspect that I won’t be able to keep away from it very long. Mainly because I really think it is the key to my future. That’s how much love and faith I have in it. Time away is always helpful. It helps you gain distance. But now that I’ve got it all printed out, I am hoping that it will make editing a little easier. Weekends generally mean very little to the unemployed, maybe this will give those days meaning.



  1. tanglethis said,

    June 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    I don’t know where you’re at or how you feel about it, but you might consider shopping it a little anyway–rather than grueling at editing forever, you could package a summary, a favorite chapter, and whatever else goes into a fiction inquiry (I’m more familiar with academic book proposals) to see if you get any bites, or at least some constructive rejections. I understand that some people do this before a book is “finished,” and though there are some drawbacks for sure, there are these benefits:
    you’ll get it off your plate for awhile
    you’ll learn more about the process, and possibly about your manuscript
    you know you’ll be editing it again after it is gone over by a copyeditor at an eventual publisher, and both rejection and re-editing will be less painful when you’ve not forced yourself to comb through it yet again

    Jobwise, I wish you best of luck in searching, and I wish you an interesting, unexpected, serendipitous opportunity. Wonderful things can happen when you cast wider nets. I know as well as anyone that extended job hunting can be frustrating and ridiculous, but it can also be fascinating and productive, so try to have fun.

    • kyoske said,

      July 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

      While I think shopping it anyway is a good idea, I worry about it because my novel is not super mainstream. There are only so many agents who have an interest in what I am writing, so I worry about querying too early.

      Reviewing it on paper has helped me immensely. It takes the pressure off to fix everything immediately, and has helped me see my novel with a wider persepective.

      I’ve certainly had a lot more luck casting a wider net. In 1 week, I had 2 interviews. So keep wishing em luck/sending positive vibes my way.

  2. Pickles said,

    June 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    i agree with Peaches! its not fun coming to the library everyday for internet, and apply to various jobs, but as Peaches said (and I’m doing) casting wider nets is a fun option. I too have received a few interviews with the last search I did 2 weeks ago. Today is the day my last interview said they would call if I got the post. Of course there are 30 of us vying for the same post, so you can imagine….how….I’m….feeling…but then I’m just opening up other windows of opportunity….and learning about the process into the government, i.e. writing this federal resume.

    • kyoske said,

      July 2, 2012 at 2:46 pm

      good luck pickles! Thanks for reading and commenting.

  3. June 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I think you’ll get more done on the weekends then you realize. I know this is a tough decision, but I think you’ll like getting back in the 9-5 world. It was so great seeing you by the way!

    • kyoske said,

      July 2, 2012 at 2:47 pm

      It was great seeing you too! I would prefer to have a 9-5 job, as it would unburden a lot of the stress I’ve had with not having a job. Even though it means I wouldn’t have as much time to write/edit, I think it would certainly make me make more of the time I have.

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