Past Self and Future Self

past self future self

So the cool thing is…I’m working on something new. With a few fulls hanging out with agents, I decided to stop tinkering with my old novel, and work on other things in my life. One of those is a new novel. I’m once again not really working with an outline, which doesn’t seem to be a problem yet. My first chapter is definitely faster paced than my old one. Of course the new project is YA, so that might be why.

Anyway, my issue so far is this. When I wrote my first novel, I basically wrote to put down the bones of a story. The goal was to just see if I could write a full-length novel, that had a beginning, middle and end. Once I was about 1\3rd through the novel, my ability to write improved a lot. Partially because I wrote everyday, and therefore was in better “writing” shape (my waistline however…well let’s not talk about that!) the other thing that was different was that I knew the characters and the world I was writing in much better. So it was easier to write chapters that felt more fleshed out. I was so so ecstatic when I wrote my ending, and I thought I’d be able to do a quick revision and send it out to agents.

BOY WAS I WRONG!

My first draft was a story with a beginning, middle and end. It had great characters, wonderful moments, and a killer ending. The problem was….the beginning was a wreck. It was crude and poorly written. I despaired, wondering if the entire novel was actually like this. I flipped 100 pages into the novel, and soon saw that it was well crafted and much better than what I had started with. So I went to work heavily revising my first 100 pages. It wasn’t easy. I was angry with my past self for leaving my current self to deal with this mess. I swore never to do this again.

Funny thing? After writing only 2,000 words I can see I’m doing it again. Now it is better written than the first novel, but it is still crude. The character’s are definitely interesting, but I’ve not spent enough time with them to really get a feel for exactly how they feel and sound. It’s almost feels like they are in an opera where they play an exaggerated version of themselves. I am sure that, much like the last time, I will be able to better wield my keystrokes to turn these operatic icons into characters you can connect to on a true and personal level.

So to my future self I must say this: I know the beginning is rough, but you know these people so much better than me. So don’t be mad at me for not doing them justice. Just remember, without me, you’d never know them at all. Together, you and our even further future self will hopefully be able to bring our new found friends and enemies into the hearts of our readers.

Rewriting vs. Revising

So it has been a long time since I blogged. Part of the reason is dealing with my job (I had a lot of great paid work come in, which is now sadly going away) I also have been at a standstill with my novel. All of the agents I queried rejected me. I’m not shocked by this, I expected it to happen. It is easy to expect the worst, that way you won’t be disappointed. But there was a silver lining. Due to the great reaction of my friends, family, and fans I was able to get some critical feedback from the agent Linda Epstein.

Linda is the kind of agent I want, because she is interested in representing the type of material I write. It is very rare to find someone to represent such a niche market, so I was hoping she was going to read my first five pages and ask me for more. Sadly, she did not. She pretty much hated my first five pages. I was wounded very deeply by this, but she made something clear to me.

I needed to step away, and come back much later. I felt that there was something wrong with my opening, but I had no idea what it was. I revised and revised and revised, but nothing seemed to work. When I opened up Linda’s comments a month later, I saw the answer clearly. I couldn’t fix what was there, because it wasn’t workable. The opening didn’t really have the same tone as my piece. It was trying very hard, and instead of coming off as sophisticated it came across as clunky and desperate. So I decided not to remodel, but tear down and start basically from scratch. The only thing I kept was the basic plot point (Main characters is reunited with a friend who offers to change his life for good)

I’m happy to report it worked. The new opening does everything I wished the old one did. It introduces one of the major characters up front, instead of waiting several chapters. It also moves at the pace of the rest of the novel, which is nice.

Now I’m at the stage of “Okay, I like this new open. If I want to keep it, I need to do something similar to the next few chapters.” So of course now I wonder whether I want to do that.

Click here to read the new opening!

Submitted

 

So I have officially submitted my first few query letters. The feeling is that of exhaustive anticipation. Especially since some of the query letters were sent to agents who are known for quick and speedy replies (most of them rejections). Still, if I’m going to get rejected, I’d rather have it done quickly.

The thing I mainly wanted to discuss was why I wanted to query. As I said in the last post, I could not go on tinkering with my manuscript. It is a strong one, but I understand that with an editor it could be stronger. The issue is, I need an editor. I need someone who will read some variation on a phrase and tell me “yes, this minor tweak makes this section stronger.” etc. I feel like that is the signal that it is time to start querying. I can’t really look at my novel for very long, as I am sick of tinkering with it. Now, if some agent and editor want me, I’ll be tinker all they want! But, I need to get that agent/editor first.

Thankfully, I have been blessed by an abundance of extra contract work this week. In addition, I interviewed for a temp agency who is hoping to place people with title examination experience. So there are things out on the horizon that I am hopeful about.

While I like my query letter, I really do feel I am better at pitching my novel in person. I wish I could do what the character Jo does in “Little Women.” I enjoy the musical version of that portion the best. Click here to hear it!

No Substitution

So a good friend of mine recently read my heavily revised first chapter and the cover letter I hope to send out.  She seemed genuinely pleased by my writing, and made some excellent notes on the manuscript pages. However, before we could talk about the chapter, she first wanted to talk about the cover letter. At the bottom of her marked up copy she wrote:

“This is too formal, too resume-y. Be Richard in it! He [meaning the agent] can’t hear you in this.”

I knew what she meant, but I explained there was a lot of pressure for me on the cover letters. Since my book features LGBT characters, and is not YA, a lot of the decent book agents out there have no interest in it. It’s a great story, but most agents want to be in love with the book. I understand this, it makes it easy for them to sell it, so my friend wanted me to explain who would love me book. Fortunately, she didn’t just ask this question. Rather, while sitting in an abandoned bar near the train station she pulled out a survey she had prepared, and interviewed me about my book.

The questions were pretty vague,  but I liked the exercise of being interviewed about my book. I treated it like she was a potential agent, and so I pitched her my book. What is clear to me is that I am better at pitching in person. It’s probably because I’m an actor, so it is super easy for me to show someone how excited I am about my book.

I’ve taken several days to really think about it, and I think she is very right. My cover letter is accurate, but not thrilling. So now I am going to revise it, so that any agent will hear me in it.

In addition, I’ve decided that after I tinker a bit more with the first chapter, it is time for me to just start querying. When it has gotten to the point that I can’t tell whether my original or new material is better, I think it means I am finally ready to submit. I’d need to work with an editor to take it to the next level. If no agent wants me, I can hire one, and then self-publish. Hopefully, someone will want it though!

Noting a manuscript

So I managed to go all the way through my printed manuscript and make notes. I was most pleased by how engaged I was during the ending. Even though I basically remembered how it went, I was surprised by how I couldn’t put it down. It certainly is the best writing in the novel. The issues I spotted were pretty minor, but I am glad I decided to hold off on shopping it. It certainly will be ready once I’ve gone through and corrected all of the issues I found.

I hope to get some of that done this weekend. I have to say, reducing my time with my manuscript is hard on me personally. Especially after reading through it again. However, I do think it is the right decision.

Working on the Weekend

This weekend was the first weekend where I worked on my novel.  Before this, I had usually used weekends to spend time with BHE, and worked on my novel during the week. Since I  am committed to really focusing on job hunting Monday – Friday from 9-5 I had to make this switch.

Working my novel with BHE around was easier than I thought, but this weekend was particularly lazy for us. The heat outside was really bad, especially since I run hot anyway, so I spent most of the weekend in either or living room or bedroom, as those are the areas that are cooled by our two window units. Having come back from AR so recently, I really wished we had central AC.

I read about 200 pages in total. I have about 50 pages left to review, which I plan to do on my evenings. As I’m not certain I can wait till the weekend to get that done.

As I’ve said, the first part of the book is rough. REALLY rough. Rougher than it should be. However, I feel good about the progress I’ve made. I am confident that the notes I put on the physical copy will help me find a way to bring the beginning up to par with a very dynamic middle and end.

A Tough Choice

Image

So I did some good things during my mini “vacation” in relation to my book. The most important of which was printing it out. I was amazed how big it was. 318 pages (92,000 words) seems like less on screen but when it was printed and put into a binder it looked like this:

I figured since I was in Arkansas, I would have lots of time to read and review my manuscript. I was wrong. In several days, I only managed to review about 30 pages or so. I almost finished the first 100 pages by the time I landed in Newark. When I got home, I had a discussion with BHE. We talked about a lot of things, but mainly we started talking about the future. We want to move on to the next chapter of adulthood, and in order to do that I need to work. When I had more part-time work coming in, it felt like it was starting to snowball, but around a month ago it has completely dried up. This meant all I was doing was job hunting and editing my book. I hated both, so neither were being done effectively.

I decided then and there that this was completely unfair to BHE. I either needed to pour every last ounce of energy I had into editing that book, and have it ready for sale in two weeks, or I needed to stop being so soft when applying for jobs. I figured it was best to really hard core pursue jobs, any job, that would be decent enough for me to earn a solid pay check. I had to stop telling myself that I shouldn’t apply for something, because the job wasn’t for an attorney. While I went to law school and passed the bar exam, that doesn’t mean I have to be an attorney. I mean I mainly went to law school, because I was tired of not being qualified to progress in the legal field beyond paralegal status. Especially since the only way I could become a manager of the departments I worked in, was if someone either died or was promoted.

So on Monday I applied for ANYTHING I saw that I was remotely qualified for, and could stomach doing. By the end of the day, I had an interview for Tuesday. Today, I applied for another job, and got an interview for tomorrow. That’s 2 interviews in 4 days. That is so much more than I have ever received before. Hopefully that is a good sign.

Unfortunately this means that my book is probably going to be retired. Hopefully I will still have the energy & patience to tinker with it during the weekends, but as of right now, I am making “getting a job” my job Monday – Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Once I get a job, maybe then I can work on “The Role” some more.

It pains me to put my novel away. It’s very dear to me, and it’s also a pretty great story. I suspect that I won’t be able to keep away from it very long. Mainly because I really think it is the key to my future. That’s how much love and faith I have in it. Time away is always helpful. It helps you gain distance. But now that I’ve got it all printed out, I am hoping that it will make editing a little easier. Weekends generally mean very little to the unemployed, maybe this will give those days meaning.

What the eye arranges

“Pretty isn’t beautiful, Mother, /

Pretty is what changes /

What the eye arranges /

Is what is beautiful.”

Above are some of the the lyrics to the song “Beautiful”  from Sondheim’s “Sunday in the Park With George.” These lyrics always make a deep impression on my whenever I hear them, because it is something it took me years to believe. I thought only certain bodies, ones that society often think of as “pretty” or “handsome” were the only bodies that were “beautiful.” Over the years, and through meeting my husband, I understand what Sondheim is saying here more and more. However, it isn’t until recently that I saw the connection between the song and editing.

I’ve been saying for a while now that I need to print my manuscript out. I’ve attempted to avoid this as long as possible, because my novel is long. To print it out at a Kinko’s I would have to pay $40.00. When I told some of my friends I felt like I “HAD” to do this, many were confused. After all, I have an iPad! Why would I need to print it out? It took me a while to figure it out, but finally I did. When I am editing my work on an iPad or a laptop, I find it very difficult to write a note that tells me to come back. After all, I have the ability to fix it now, why not just do that? The issue is, I need to be able to read my book as a reader. I’ve never managed to read more than a few pages without breaking down and spending an hour fixing things. That is why I need to print it out and make my notes with a pen.

Armed with a pen and paper, I feel less pressure to perfect a sentence. Often because if I tinkered with it on the page I probably could run out of space before I fix my issue. Since I won’t be stopping I will have the rare chance to read my novel straight through. This is something I desperately want to do for a few reasons. The most important one is that I need to remember what it feels like to write in the voice and point of view of my character. The tiny edits I’ve been doing over the past 2 months have not required me to write anything new. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to write through the eyes of my narrator. I need to rediscover this to put the finishing touches on my book.

I am fortunate that I plan to do this while I am vising my parents. The few friends of mine that still live in the area will have to work during the day, so I will have that time to chat with my parents, but also to read my book. They also have an actual PC desktop, which means I won’t have to worry about my finger accidentally hitting the mouse and deleting parts of my book (it happens more than I care to admit). I’m hoping the 7 days I have in my hometown will help me push through to the end. I don’t know if that is really enough time to actually completely finish revising my novel, but I am determined to try.

Decanting a novel

So I’ve been a bit snarky about my manuscript this week. The novel is really good, but the beginning never feels right to me. I couldn’t figure out why that was, and finally some readers comments seemed to wake me up. My book starts off a little heavy, but after a few chapters it becomes lighter and hard to put down.  Because I’m a fan of analogies I thought this is similar to wine. Sometimes a wine is great straight from the bottle, but other times, wine needs to be decanted. By doing so, the liquid comes into contact with oxygen when can often cause wines to lose some of the abrasive qualities that they might have.

My novel truly sings once it has been decanted. At first sip, it tastes decent, but the true potential of it is marred by all this excess language. It’s trying too hard to impress. However, if you keep reading, the book opens up, and by chapter 4 it is not just palatable but delicious (at least according to the readers I have.)

So now my goal is find a way to bring the qualities of the decanted portion of the novel, to the front, to save the reader the hassle of the whole decanting process. To do this, I’ve decided to do another full reading. However, unlike all the other times, I won’t be reading with a pen in hand to make edits. Instead I will read it as a reader, and see what makes the book so light and easy after chapter 4. Certainly the first few chapters are encumbered by having to introduce several characters as well as the general premise of the novel, but I can tell there is something more to it than that.

I’ll report back with more specific findings as they occur to me.

To my fellow authors, I ask you, does your novel need to be decanted?

Consult a book!

So I told myself in the last post, there was no easy answer. As it turns out…I was wrong.

Fed up with trying to convert the scene, I decided to just start reading books in present tense. The ones that I know the best are “The Hunger Games” so I quickly sped through “Catching Fire” for what must be the 12th time. Within twenty minutes I found my answer, put it into play, and I am happy to say that my problem has been fixed.

It makes me laugh that the answer was so simple, because this is the advice I often give people. If you are having issues with how to do something, but you know it can be done, read how someone else did it. I don’t know why I didn’t use this tool in this case until now, but I figure it is a good lesson for all writers who might stumble over this blog. It also gave me an excuse to post another cute boy reading a book!

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